I don't understand you...

Alright so our plans in Italy took a sharp turn when 1) We realized we couldn't find anywhere to stay for less than 90 Euro per person a night and 2) We, like idiots, booked Rome on Easter weekend. So in a last minute gasp to keep ourselves from sleeping on park benches, Bart and I grabbed a train to Sicily w/o even having a place to stay. Now while my mother might be worried about this complete disregard for my safety and other stuff that parents worry about, like gum disease (I think they're more worried about footing the root canal bill but I digress), having clean sheets (more on that later), and actually knowing where their child is. Anyways time for some shameless plugging about why you, readers, should visit Palermo over Rome.

• First and foremost I can't get around this, Sicily is home to the world famous Mafia. The Godfather, The Sopranos, and all those other Mafia movies/shows that begin with "The" owe their thanks to this place. It's actually hilarious, my friend Bart seems to think every group of old men in suits we see is "definitely mafia". I'm guessing he's wrong, but if I turn up missing after publishing this... I suppose Bart would then have the last laugh.
• Compared to the weather in England, this place is majestic. It's like going from bread and water (the dorm food is on par with this) to spaghetti carbonara... literally. I've managed to get some color back on my body from such dubious pastimes as playing soccer in the park, reading on the beach (that's point three), and napping on ceramic seaside beds. Translation, this place rocks if you're feeling like stepping outside. You'll get a tan just walking from ancient site a to ancient site b.
• Palermo is on a peninsula meaning it's surrounded by beaches with crystal clear water. Rome is.... well it has The Pope.
• It's cheap here, we pay about the same for a full meal in Palermo as we paid for juice in Rome. Since this doesn't seem to be a big international tourist spot (it is in the middle of nowhere), prices seem to be fit for locals instead of flocking English people.
• Did I mention the Mafia thing?
• The women are out of control hot. I mean this is ridiculous, I swear I saw Norm from Cheers walking around with some local girl who could be on America's Next Top Model.
• Bart and I are pretty sure we found John Candy running a little Pizzeria, seriously he's down here with Biggie, Tupac, Elvis, JFK, and John Belushi throwin some dough and romancing the locals with big words and small prices baby!
• The people are way friendly here, they'll try to get past the language barrier (which is quite easy if you speak some Spanish) as opposed to the Romans who just wanted to sell me some overpriced ______(edit: I just realized that looks like I'm cussing, it's meant to signify "insert anything purchasable here") with The Pope's face on it. On a side note, I did actually buy a kitchen magnate with John Paul's beautiful mug plastered on it. Rock on JP, rock on.
• The accommodation is great. The first night we stayed in this shady bed and breakfast (I call it shady cause there was no breakfast, isn't that false advertising?) Which had a den, en suite bathroom, half kitchen with a mini-fridge, and separate beds in a loft. The only downsides were that the water heater made this creepy noise that sounded like a puppy in a situation I'm not allowed to discuss here, and some questionable stains on one of the comforters which, again, I'm not allowed to talk about. Our current place, however, is better. Despite only having one bed, no personal kitchen and being on the fourth floor, it has a great breakfast, cable TV, internet in the room, and is clean beyond belief. Both are great and at 30 Euro a night, they're destroying the junky hostels in Rome that were running upwards of 100 Euro a night.
• There's gelato everywhere. I dunno if it's a part of life in Sicily or something, but I've never had this much ice cream in such a short stretch of time. I feel like a kid who had his tonsils pulled and is using that to his advantage to sugar coat his stomach. Seriously, this stuff rocks.
• Again, the Mafia started here. I mean does it get any cooler?

So I've done some pretty cool things. We did take a bus tour of Rome once we realized our stay there would be shortened dramatically. I've also walked through catacombs with over 8,000 mummies (I know your question and the answer is yes, very creepy), seen one of the most important theaters in Europe in the Teatro Massimo, and had a little kid lead me through the winding, cobblestone, streets of Palermo to find the aforementioned catacombs. There are only two things I haven't been able to do here which would fulfill my journey and those are a) See a genuine Mafia shootout with the Polizia and b) buy some fake over-sized aviator sunglasses. I'm banking on those two happening tomorrow though as it's our last day before heading the sunny beaches of Malaga, Spain to work on doing nothing. On a side note, apparently the resort I booked us is all inclusive, so that'll be nice on the pockets.

Now for some personal anecdotes and other random rabble:

• The Sicilian in my overnight train cabin smelled like nothing I've ever encountered. It was like b.o. mixed with wet shoes that had dried up and molded but were still worn sockless, "garbage or sewage that has been out in the warm sun" (thanks Bart for adding that), and poop. Seriously it was so bad that I pulled out my bed and stuck my head in my own armpit despite having traipsed around Rome all day without taking a shower. I pray no one else has to go through this.
• My hair has gotten to be way too big, I'm starting to get this crazy lion's mane thing going. I could seriously be Patrick Duffy's double during his 178 episodes of Dallas. Fabio would be proud of my fledgling lady killer. At the absolute least it sharply contrasts all the shiny gel in everyone else's hair in Europe.
• Bart doesn't have much soccer experience which resulted in him hitting an old couple strolling through the park, a young couple making out, and a family of four... twice. Pretty comical stuff if, uh, you're not the person getting hit in the head with a bouncy ball.
• Everyone here automatically assumes I'm a David Beckham fan because I'm white. I'm tired of the prejudice, I'm a David Beckham fan for so many other reasons than our similar skin color.
• The Italians seem to be a much more outgoing group of people with a stronger sense of community than both England and America. They actually use their parks, are seen in the streets hanging out and yelling hello at friends as they drive by, and flirting with the local shop merchants.
  
• The ye olde stereotype about Italians talking with their hands is dead on. It doesn't matter what these people are talking about, they could be lecturing on long term IRAs investments of the Sherpas and it would appear as if they had just had a vision of the Virgin.
• If you find yourself in Palermo, don't ride a bike seaside. We saw not one, but two people eat it in the exact same spot today. Sadly enough one of them was a little kid, however I didn't see it happen making me very curious how someone with training wheels was able to fall off their bike. One thing I do know for sure though is that if this was America whoever manufactured those so-called "training wheels" would be getting a letter from the law offices of Wayne Wright very soon.
• If you haven't watched Extras get on it, we watched both seasons in the past few days and it's a great show.
  

So that's about it, I'm sure I left a ton of stuff out, but it's late and I'm tired. It's been a very relaxing week, yet because I'm a wuss and stuff I'm still really worn out and sore. Week two of Thorburn vs. Europe starts tomorrow at midnight so I gotta get ready to deal with my second sleepless night in the past week. Umm I better explain that, because Easyjet is so cheap all of their flights take off at like 6 a.m. and rather than trying to wake up at 3 to get ready to get all the way out to whichever airport I need to be at, I've just stayed up. No hanky panky, I swear.

Tootles,

Chris